The library, and step on it!

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star by Heather Lynn RigaudBook Review by the-library-and-step-on-it.

(The first time I have given a book one star on this blog!)
Every once in a while, I like to read a book I know is going to be terrible as a kind of palate cleanser, a way to recallibrate and regroup before diving back into Proper Literature. Mentally copy-editing a bad book is a great exercise and can help you figure out what good writing is (by realising that it is the opposite of whatever this is). Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star is fantastic practice because it manages to do just about everything wrong.
Not only was this book originally a fanfiction. Not only was it badly written fanfiction. Not only was it badly written fanfiction by someone who seems to have completely misunderstood Pride and Prejudice and its characters. It is also a song fic.
[pause for readers to go ‘eurgh, I hate those, everybody hates those’]
According to Amazon’s product description, this book was an “internet phenomenon, inspiring tee shirts, CD’s and thousands of loving fans.” …Really? Because as far as I’m concerned, the writing in this book is exactly why so many people hate fanfiction: overly detailed descriptions of what the characters are wearing, clumsy metaphors, hilariously long sex scenes… The list goes on. And at a whopping 400 pages, it gets old very, very quickly.
I paid two euros for this monstrosity at a book fair and spent two nights cackling to myself over the clunky writing, so at least I had fun. However, it makes other Austen spin-off books like Me and Mr Darcy by Alexandra Potter look like great works of literature. Read my posts on this abomination if you feel like having a bit of a laugh and want to feel better about the quality of your own writing (if this drivel can get published, so can you!), but for the love of God, don’t read the whole thing.
I have read Teen Wolf fanfic better than this.
That should just not happen.
…What?
Find more reviews here.

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star by Heather Lynn Rigaud
Book Review by the-library-and-step-on-it.

(The first time I have given a book one star on this blog!)

Every once in a while, I like to read a book I know is going to be terrible as a kind of palate cleanser, a way to recallibrate and regroup before diving back into Proper Literature. Mentally copy-editing a bad book is a great exercise and can help you figure out what good writing is (by realising that it is the opposite of whatever this is). Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star is fantastic practice because it manages to do just about everything wrong.

Not only was this book originally a fanfiction. Not only was it badly written fanfiction. Not only was it badly written fanfiction by someone who seems to have completely misunderstood Pride and Prejudice and its characters. It is also a song fic.

[pause for readers to go ‘eurgh, I hate those, everybody hates those’]

According to Amazon’s product description, this book was an “internet phenomenon, inspiring tee shirts, CD’s and thousands of loving fans.” …Really? Because as far as I’m concerned, the writing in this book is exactly why so many people hate fanfiction: overly detailed descriptions of what the characters are wearing, clumsy metaphors, hilariously long sex scenes… The list goes on. And at a whopping 400 pages, it gets old very, very quickly.

I paid two euros for this monstrosity at a book fair and spent two nights cackling to myself over the clunky writing, so at least I had fun. However, it makes other Austen spin-off books like Me and Mr Darcy by Alexandra Potter look like great works of literature. Read my posts on this abomination if you feel like having a bit of a laugh and want to feel better about the quality of your own writing (if this drivel can get published, so can you!), but for the love of God, don’t read the whole thing.

I have read Teen Wolf fanfic better than this.

That should just not happen.

…What?

Find more reviews here.

posted 2 months ago with 19 notes

""Hello, pumpkin," [Mr Bennet] said calmly. "What is all this I hear about you and the big-shot rock star?"
Elizabeth smiled. Most other people would be offended, but she recognized her father’s dry sense of humor. “He’s made me his love slave,” she answered casually.
“Very good,” he replied."

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star, Heather Lynn Rigaud.

(I KNEW THIS WOULD COME IN HANDY SOME DAY.)

posted 2 months ago with 70 notes

I have started a file of the worst lines I could find in Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star and since it is already quite long, I thought I’d break it up into two posts.

Here are the worst bits of the first 200 (sigh) pages that I haven’t posted already (and that aren’t too pornographic).

Enjoy.

(Teaser: “His kindness broke through the thin barrier she had created to hold in her feelings.”)

Read More

posted 2 months ago with 32 notes

""So I’m only going to say this once: keep your dicks clean."
Elizabeth was shocked beyond words."

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star, Heather Lynn Rigaud.

YOU AND ME BOTH ELIZABETH.

Dear God, it’s even worse than I thought it would be, and that is really saying something considering the cover art.

posted 2 months ago with 21 notes

Anonymous asked: "What did you think of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries?"

I really enjoyed The Lizzie Bennet Diaries!

I thought it was inventive, had some good acting, and was just very adorable and fun.

posted 2 months ago with 3 notes

americonecookiedoughdream asked: "Wait that quote is from a actually book about Darcy being a rockstar?"

Oh yes.

Elizabeth, Jane, and Charlotte Lucas are in a band too. They’re called Long Borne Suffering (HA!) and Jane has pink hair and wears white leather corsets and I am really starting to regret this.

posted 2 months ago with 7 notes

"Security was not really a problem. The lobby was empty and the boys were “incognito,” as Charles liked to say. That meant that Charles’s long blond hair was in a ponytail and tucked into the collar of his shirt. Richard was dressed in a button-down shirt and gray slacks, which covered all of his tattoos. Darcy was actually wearing a shirt and did not have his sunglasses on, sufficiently altering his appearance from his onstage persona. The three tall and attractive men would stand out anywhere, but it was unlikely anyone would recognize them for the rock stars they were."

Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star, Heather Lynn Rigaud.

So many things I hate about this.

posted 2 months ago with 13 notes

Remember this abomination?

Well, now that I’ve finished the book I was reading before, it is time to tackle Fitzwilliam Darcy: Rock Star and I just thought I’d let you all know that the first sentence alone was enough to make me put it down again and laugh long and hard before continuing.

Guys.

Darcy is in a band with Bingley and Fitzwilliam and they’re called - wait for it - Slurry.

Slurry.

Slurry.

posted 2 months ago with 13 notes

And yes, I will be reading this glorious monstrosity for this blog.

posted 2 months ago with 94 notes